Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
