do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
