i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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