i used baking grease as lip gloss
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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