ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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