I cannot find my penis.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
