If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
