My room smells like vodka and shame
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We just shotgunned beers for America
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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