I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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