Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
