they need to just BURY HIM!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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