no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want to make out with him forever
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
