I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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