Do you still have your period?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
