I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
