I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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