We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
