Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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