Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
