see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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