If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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