So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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