I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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