Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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