You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
