To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
