My sheets look like a crime scene.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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