It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
