He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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