Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
