I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
