It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
