you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
