you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
