We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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