I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
