i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
