drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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