Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
