Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
