so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
