someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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