Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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