Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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