Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
