And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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