So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize