i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
