Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
