She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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