Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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