Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
