fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
