I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
