Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(218): View more from Minnesota

My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

So can I buy you a drink sometime?

(206): View more from Washington

Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.

Fav 28 1527 8086
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right

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(818): View more from California

I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.

(805): View more from California

What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.

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(516): View more from New York

he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in

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