My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
