i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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