Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He has the fingertips of a God
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