just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
