Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
