I got chris browned last night
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
