Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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