i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
