Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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