he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
