he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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