Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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