wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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