So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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