we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
