new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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